


I'm fucking trying (this is me trying)

by Slas



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slas/pseuds/Slas
Summary: I dont even know yet
Relationships: Ali/Mick Rory, Charlie/Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi, Jefferson "Jax" Jackson & Lily Stein, Nate Heywood/Amaya Jiwe, Nora Darhk/Ray Palmer, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	I'm fucking trying (this is me trying)

**Author's Note:**

> So, later it is gonna have a part talking of abandonment issues so if that's a trigger for anyone don't read it.
> 
> If you do give it a chance thanks, English is not my first language so it probably is gonna have a ton of grammatical errors, feel free to let me know always that you do it nicely. Thanks !

I'm trying to concentrate on whatever else is happening, the teacher's voice, classmates questions, whatever is happening though the window, but i can't do that because her eyes are making holes into my head. She never stopped looking at me since she entered the room. And is starting to annoying me (and to think that i really was wanting this literally a week ago).

I'm not giving a shit about what people are saying, but as soon as the bell ring I get up from my sit and ran though the door. I'm gonna scape from here before having any conversation about the thing that has been between us for the last two days at least.

She try to say something while I'm passing but I'm not gonna stop now. Quickly enough I made it to the cafeteria and spot the table that i always share with my friends. And I just sit there like nothing is happening. Like I'm not super tense right now. Is not that I don't want to tell them what happened is just that is not the right time to tell, also I don't know what to tell so I ain't gonna say nothing. Because anyway that's not worth it.

My friends say theirs "hi" and "hello" and quickly come back to planning our trip to the beach. We are gonna go camping like every summer for the last five years. Which reminds me that I have to ignore Ava only for one week and four days more.

"What do you think Sara?" Nora ask. I want to respond "yes, of course. I'm in" but I take to long and they notice that I haven't listened to anything they said. "Are you with us? Or in the moon?".

"Here, of course" I just look to her and smile "But message get lost in translation. Mind say it again?". She looks me for a few seconds before repeating herself.

"What do you think about staying there for all the summer, insted of just two weeks? I mean, not in the tent. My aunt will let us stay in her house this year. 

"That sounds great. I have to ask dad, but I think that it's gonna be okey" We have years of asking Nora's aunt if she will let us the house but she never say yes because 'we will throw a party and destroy the house'. "What's with the change?" I ask her "She said and I quote 'I don't work since my 20's to buy a house and have you all sending it on fire'".

“She say that we are "grown ups" and "responsible people". So... what do you think?".

“Yeah, is great. All of us are coming. Right?” 

“Yep" Nate said. And then again we all start making plans, me included. Moments later I saw Ava enter the cafeteria, with her friends. It hurt for some reason, well no for “some reason”. How can she look so pure, such a good girl, the kinda girl that doesn’t hurt a fly, and anyway crush my heart so fucking badly that I almost think that i was having a fucking heart attack?

I'm starting the story here. But this is not the beginning. The beginning actually is two years back, summer time. Beach, alcohol and parties 'till sunrise.

When you go to a party and your friends go to try and talk or dance with their crushes and you meet this beautiful blonde, tall and smart girl. You have the best conversation that you ever had in your life. You talk about everything that is possible. From movies and books to travel and history or family and friends, food and drinks, school, sports. Every single fucking topic that you could think of. Never ending conversation. You had the time of your fucking life and obviously getting the biggest crush of your damn fucking life.

I has been looking for Zari, for a least a good 45 minutes. Because she said she was gonna “take care of important business” and I was gonna go find the rest of the guys. And I did, I also get to see Nate making out with Amaya in the kitchen, Ray trying to flirt with Nora (and I couldn’t interrupt that, because he's been into her from like 7th year), I keep looking for Mick, but I never found him (Apparently he was with some girl named Ali o something), Jax didn’t came to the party because he had a football practice early in the morning. Which let me and Zari. Or that’s what I thought ‘til I found her and Charlie making out in a corner. So I was all by myself. A least ‘til all of them finish that.

On my way outside I grab a beer from one of the tables, my plan was to sit on the grass, it was. Until I collided with a gorgeous, tall, green-eyed, blonde beauty.

“Oh. Shit. I- shit. I’m so sorry" that’s the first that she said to me.

But the first that I said to her was “oh- I. You- Go- God. Shi- Qunstbsusbshesssh”. Which means basically “Oh, I’m Sara. Sorry I run into you. God, you so pretty I could die. Care to marry me?” or something among the lines.

She obviously didn’t understand and ask a confused “what?”. God, I looked like and idiot.

“Shit. So- sorry I’m Sara. Sorry I hit you”.

“Oh, is no problem. Is was kinda my fault too. I’m Ava by the way. Is nice to meet you". 

So basically, this angel-looking girl says is nice to meet me and I literally almost fainted. She was so beautiful, and her name! Ava. What a beautiful name.

“You good?” she asked me. As I was there just in complete awe staring at her.

“Yeah. Sorry. Are you here with someone? Friends? Partner? Sibling?”.

“Uhh… kinda. No really, my neighbor invited me. He was supposed to present some people to me. But he’s there making out with some girl”. Said and point to the dance floor, where 74% of the people was standing.

“So… what I understand is that you are alone? Care to join me? I was going outside”.

“Yeah. I would like that".

I learn a lot about Ava that night. We drink, and she ask me things about me, and then she told me things about herself. We talk about everything and more. It just feel right. She told me about her passion for basketball, and how she likes to play with her father. How beautiful her relationship with her parents was. That she was a big nerd for sci-fi books, and really liked comics. The time that she and her parents had spent a whole week the summer of her 12's watching movies. Making popcorn and ordering food. 

She was so spontaneous, and fun. It was one of Sara’s best nights in her life. They were awake until late that night just talking on the hood of Ava’s car. They didn’t notice the pass of time, if Quentin, and Ava’s father hadn’t call. Ava drive Sara to her houses and they exchanged numbers.

They go out to drink a coffee and walk sometimes. But both of them had applied to summer jobs, so eventually they only exchanged some texts a day, and then text some days, some weeks, months, and then almost never. That was til three days ago, when Sara and her friends throw a party at Mick's for Nate’s birthday and Ava assisted. Was so strange to see her there. In Mick’s for a birthday party of none of her friends, a lot a people assisted though, so Ava may heard of it. Because her friends where there too. And maybe because she was friend of Amaya, Nate's ex girlfriend.

And obviously Sara would approached her this time, she wanted to talk to Ava, but she couldn’t make any excuse. She had tried to talk casually to Ava on those days when they didn’t talk for long, invited her to do things, tag along with her friends, but Ava never said yes. And she feel kinda dejected, she knew Ava assisted like to a million clubs and have a halftime job, but she couldn’t help it. But in a party, she was just being friendly with people. 

So, she could like just go closer, they are dancing and... oops! We collide again, and Sara would say "... oh, hey! First time an coincidence but second I think destiny". No that doesn't sound right, maybe about her eyes? Or, wait. Where she did go?  
Sara scan the room faster and couldn't find her. She didn't imagine it, right?

No, of course she didn't, just entering in the kitchen was a lot of blonde hair. Sara, started walking towards there, totally confident. C'mon it was just a relaxed party. Why would she say, no? Well, why would she say yes? She hasn't in more than half a year. So maybe Ava was just being nice that first night. Why she never thought about it? She stop dead in her tracks. Obviously Ava was just being nice. They didn't hang out even ten times after the party, and then Ava started saying that she was busy, and that she had work, or was babysitting, or parents didn't give her permission... why the fuck she didn't realize this before? God, it was so embarrassing. Jesus Christ. She was 12 feet away from the door, fully panicking and her brain wasn't responding.

She saw a blond shadow move in the kitchen and she spin so fast in her feets that almost hurt herself. So fast as she could she tried to escape going to the bathroom upstairs but someone was there throwing up so she just went to one of the guestrooms and close the door. So embarrassed, so so so embarrassing. Gosh, why didn't she just tell her that... something, that she didn't like her or whatever.

\-----

She spent around twenty minutes in that room trying not to panic when the door was open wildly by a couple. They all stand there without moving. Half a minute later Sara was getting out of the room because that couple didn't even care that she was there and started making out right in the bed. She was reaching the first floor in the stairs when she collided with a body. They both almost fall to the floor. Sara looked up, it was Amaya. She went stiff and slowly looked to the floor, because she knew in her heart that the body that was next to Amaya was Ava's and she was to embarrassed to try and look her in the eye.

"Oh my God, Sara. I'm sorry". Said Amaya. Almost to loud (like if Ava hasn't noticed yet).

Still, with her eyes glued to the floor Sara responded "is okey" and quickly tried to bail out of the house and hide in other place, but Amaya, overly caring Amaya, hold her arm and asked her is she was okay, and if she needed someone o something. She needed not to have Ava fucking staring at her.

"No, I'm great. Thanks Amaya" she said but didn't convince her. And she had to look up, to Amaya in the eye. Trying to convince her. She intended to say other thing, but she saw Ava smile at her, when they cross looks. She could feel her fucking heart stopping.

"Hi" Ava said, softly.

"Hi" sara said and looked around the room trying to find someone to have a excuse to go. At that exact moment Zari and Charlie were coming her way.

"Girl. Hi. How long. How are you?" Said Zari while hugging Amaya. "And... who's this?" She said kinda and playfully flirty.

"Oh, right. This is Ava" amaya move to one side, letting Ava more into the circle that they were forming, right on Sara's left. "She is kinda new, she just finished her first year in my class".

"Oh" Zari said little surprised "so? You moved here last year?" Asked.

Ava looked at the floor for one second, thinking and quickly said "something like that, I moved here a while ago. But I change where I study a year and half ago" she said smiling, like a proud secretive smile.

"Oh, yeah. I remember you. I think I saw you at Amaya's birthday last year, right?" Charlie said.

"Yes. I... I was there. You are Charlie, right? Cousin?" She smiled politely.

"Right. That's right, girly" Charlie smiled.

"This is Zari, by the way." Amaya pointed at Zari. "And this is Sara" amaya said. And Sara could feel all the eyes in her, she feeled exposed.

"Is nice to meet you Zari" Ava smiled sweetly at Zari. "I... we actually. We meet at a party a while ago" Said Ava, looking at Sara. And she can feel how stressed Ava was saying that. But she looked so relaxed, it was weird.

"You knew her?" Zari asked Sara.

"Uhm... yeah". Sara said. Avoiding looking at Ava at all costs. "We meet at Nate's birthday last year... I think" she added when feeling to exposed again.

"Oh, so it was like more than two years ago". Amaya remarked. Sara was really regretting this party. "Why you didn't tell me you knew her? We tried to present them to you for the longest". Amaya said.

Ava raised her shoulders, and reminded Sara of a little kid getting in problems. "Never came out". Zari open her mouth but Nate came running and tell them "hey, we already leaving. You come?" It was a thing they did always, after a party they all went to buy milkshakes and fries. It was like a tradition. "Yes" Sara said quickly, it was the perfect moment to disappear, but Zari said "you guys wanna come? I mean Amaya, you came like a billion times with us, and we all now each other. And the rest of us could get to know Ava better". Zari said and sound sincere but Sara could her the inner lines of "the rest of us, because Sara SOMEHOW has know her for two fucking years and we didn't fucking knew".

"That's a great idea" said Nate immediately after.

"I would love to" said Amaya "what do you wanna do Ava?" Amaya looked at her.

"Uhm... yeah. I- I think it would be nice. But Gary and..." ava started but Amaya interrupted her. "I sure that he also would wanna go. Come on".

"Okey" ava said "I... gonna go... find Gary".

"Okey, I'm gonna meet you at your car".

"Okey" and just like that Ava bailed out.

"The rest is waiting outside" Nate said.

They were all on Ava's car when she arrived with Gary by her side. Sara was really trying to get and excuse to go home, she was feeling so insecure and embarrassed.

"Well, now that we are all here is the perfect moment to divide in cars. Ava has one, Nate has his, and Mick has another, right?" Amaya asked.

They arranged the seats and Sara had managed to without speaking avoid to go in Ava's car, until fucking Zari fucking spoke to her, with pleading eyes saying "Sara, hey. So you think that we can change seats? I kinda wanna go with Charlie" what was she supposed to say? Fucking no? With what reason? "Sure" she said with a smile she didn't felt, but Zari was already gone. And she made her way over to Ava's car.

She and Gary, went in the back while Ava drove and Amaya was co-pilot. Zari, Charlie, Jax and Lily ride with Nate. Leaving Nora, Ray and Ali in Mick's jeep.

She was in the great spot where she and Ava could look at each other through the mirror. She looked so good while driving, so focused, so... so seriously good looking while focusing on driving. The trip wasn't long, they occupied two tables (that the put together) and Sara sat as far away from Ava as possible.

And hour later Sara was saying so shitty excuse to Zari and Nate, that she promised her dad to be early at her house (it was a lie, her dad thought she was gonna sleep at Zari's, like they had arranged because her dad was gonna be working all night). Right when she was about to call a uber, Ava stand up and started to said goodbye to the group at the same time Sara stand up, which was an extremely difficult time for Sara, because Ava looked right in the eyes, and asked "are you going too?".

"Uhm... yeah" she responded. 

"You... want a ride?" Ava asked. 

"Is no necessary" Sara started.

"Is not a problem, really" ava said. "Let's go". Sara thought that maybe, Ava had really been occupied all those days, maybe. She wasn't just being nice. She said goodbye and she and Ava left the cafe.

They enter the car and before Sara put her seatbelt Ava said "it was nice to see you again, Sara" really quietly.

"Yeah, it was" sara said, something in her stomach at those words. She fastened her seatbelt and Ava said, starting the car. "Really? For a moment I thought that you were avoiding me" she almost laughed, but no really feeling it.

"I don't now what you mean" sara said.

"Well, you didn't even glanced at me for more than four seconds. And then almost run out of my car, and seat as far away from me in the cafe as you could" ava shrugged.

"That's not... I wasn't" sara tried.

"Is okey though, I know we haven't talked in a while" ava interrupted her. "Is not like I was expecting anything" she never stopped looking at the street in front of her.

Sara didn't knew what to said. So she stayed silence.

"Are... you mad at me? Like for... I know that it was because of me that we stopped hanging out, but I really, wasn't able to..." ava explained or tried.

"No, of course not. Why would I be?" Sara said evasive.

"I don't know" ava said, Sara almost didn't hear her.

They went the rest of the drive in silence. But when they stopped in front Sara's house Ava said in a rush "I saw you run away from the kitchen when you saw me". 

Shit.

"Shit" sara swear under her breath. "It wasn't because of you" she said a little more loud, no sounding convincing at all. Ava didn't seem to have believe her either.

"I was going to say hi, but then I thought that we haven't talked in months and I thought that maybe that first night, you just hang out with me out of goodness and because you were alone. And... and I feel embarrassed for that, a little. So yeah. That." Sara said.

"That wasn't because of nothing. You are a really interesting person Sara" ava said "I wanted to meet you" she was suddenly closer. Sara couldn't think right. "And I wanted to know you, I'm sorry you feel that" Ava said slowly.

"Is... is Okey. I didn't thinked that much" sara said, groggy.

"That's not why you wanted to leave the cafe right? Because of me?" Ava asked. And Sara stayed silence, but her eyes tell Ava all she needed to know. "And what? You are gonna cut the night early just because of me? Sara, I can drive you back". She offered.

"N-no is... is okey" Sara babbled.

"Can I come in?" Ava asked, Sara heart stopped "I really would like to catch up" she said slowly.

"Yeah" sara said.

Sara didn't know exactly how, but one minute they were just innocent talking in the couch and then they were kissing, half minute later they were making the walk to Sara's room.

**Author's Note:**

> It's not the complete first chapter but I'm posting this to force my to complete this story that I have had for more that eight months in my computer lol


End file.
